shopkins

It occurs to me now that the mind offers so much safety from the world; thinking before acting, reflecting, ruminating. Enough time in your head and you might never act on your thoughts — or those potential actions might lay dormant for years.

I want to use my body. I want to put it out in the world — that dangerous, muddy world. I want it to be vulnerable to all the things it hides from while I sit, motionless, thinking. But I have no desire for extremes. I don't want to go so far as to flirt with death, as no matter what I do, she and I will copulate one day. And on that day I'll go willingly. But today I merely want to push past the fear I have (hello, again) of coming out of my head. Of wearing out my muscles. Of moving my legs until I'm miles from another human — and not being gripped then by fear.

This is a rerun of a long-lost life episode. Before a career in making money began, I had a career of pushing my limits. In the city this week I learned it does me no good to keep dwelling on losses, so I'll mention a potential gain from this fact: I've traveled this trail before. Where then I had time for deep, methodical examination, today I must be quick in my wits. This fact shouldn't push me all the way to rushing to conjure answers, but rather push me just far enough to reside just out of my head, just in my body — that sweet spot of here and now.

This is a rerun. And as I know from last time and all the times in between, at some point you've spent enough time thinking. At some point you realize you can't anticipate all the potential (or most likely) outcomes. You will never be able to mentally see the future without sending your body out into the word to create it. Your action in building the future is what moves you forward; changes you; evolves you. Action creates purpose, which creates action, which creates purpose, ad infinitum. And when your self is more in line with yourself, action and purpose will be so close, so indistinguishable — a rapidly vibrating nucleus for the atom of your life. Now, in the scope of your life, is the time for this.