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A morning like this and I remember, or realize, maybe this isn't what I want.

A thing that sounds awesome but actually isn't is working a high-paying job that doesn't bring you any joy. You show up to work every morning, earn several hundred dollars in a day (whether or not you produce something of value), and then go home to maybe eat, or maybe join the guys after work for a beer or four, or maybe just watch TV, then go to sleep, and repeat the ritual of showing up, doing nothing, and raking in easy cash for another day.

Another thing that sounds awesome but actually isn't is being someone's booty call. Especially when you have absolutely no feelings for that person. And they don't impress you. And you sort of have things to talk about, but not really.

Sure, she might be gorgeous, you might forget the rest of the world for a second when she smiles, and you might enjoy her touch just for lack of anything similar from anyone else; for the years of girls coming and going without much romanticism. It might feel nice to feel that emotion from her — even if it's only to get in your pants. But it's not really that great.

When you wake up in the morning to her lying naked next to you, and the vodka's left your system, and you're thinking about the day ahead and, really, all you want to accomplish in life, you realize she has no part in it. You just wanted some company; a single day where you're not alone. You didn't need the sex; in fact, a good conversation would've been more satisfying. Masturbation will produce the same result as casual sex, for less money and in much less time. But good conversation is endlessly satisfying — and can't be done alone. So yeah, when she just wants sex, it's not actually that awesome. It's actually a waste of time.

Maybe one day I'll actually realize this.